Top Ten Guides: co-parenting at Christmas

Top Ten Guides

Top Ten Tips for  
Co-parenting at Christmas after a breakup

1. Plan early (and clearly)
   Discuss schedules well before December so no one has last-minute surprises and put everything in writing - text, email, shared calendar - so expectations are clear.

2. Keep the children at the centre
   Ask what they want. Some children might prefer waking up in the same house each Christmas; others don’t mind two celebrations. Try not to tug for “fairness” if it makes things harder for them.

3. Communicate about gifts
   Avoid duplicating big-ticket items (two bikes, two gaming consoles, etc.). Consider a shared budget for bigger gifts so it feels co-ordinated rather than competitive.

4. Be flexible when you can
   Traffic, weather, tired children - things happen. Showing grace goes a long way and typically comes back around.

5. Create new traditions (but honour old ones where you can)
   Maybe you get Christmas Eve pancakes, a movie night, or a “second Christmas” on the 26th. Consistency helps children adjust, but new rituals can also make the celebrations emotionally easier.

6. Keep adult emotions away from the children
   Avoid making the children feel guilty for leaving to visit the other parent. Children should never feel like they’re choosing sides at Christmas.

7. Share photos (if comfortable)
   Many co-parents agree to send a few pictures so the other parent feels included. However, this is not required and only do this if it feels respectful and low-pressure.

8. Consider celebrating twice
   Two Christmases can be exciting for children if framed positively. This reduces the pressure of “Who gets Christmas Day?” every year.

9. Take care of your own emotional needs
   Christmas can be lonely or triggering; make plans for your off-days with friends, hobbies, volunteering. A happier parent naturally makes it smoother for the children.

10. Model Peace
    Even if you’re not close or friendly with your ex, model maturity, respect, and calm transitions. Children remember how celebrations felt more than anything else.

    Bonus Tip: Allow the children to share if they want to, but don’t make them feel they have to report what the other parent bought for them, or what they did to celebrate.

If you need help to co-parent after a separation or divorce, or with any other aspect of your breakup, reach out to me at allison@allisongreenfieldcoaching.co.uk