Top Ten Guides: telling your children - adults
Top Ten Guides
Top Ten Tips for
Telling your adult children you are divorcing
Acknowledge that it still hurts
Don’t assume adulthood means it’s easier. Divorce can shake their sense of family identity, even if they’ve left home.Tell them privately and respectfully
Choose a calm moment for an adult-to-adult conversation. Be open but not dramatic.Be honest without overloading them
Give clear reasons for the decision but avoid turning them into emotional caretakers or allies.Own the decision as a couple
Explain that this was a mutual adult decision, not something they could have influenced.Recognise their changing role
They don’t need custody details, but they may worry about holidays, family events, or financial impacts. Address those clearly.Respect their emotions and boundaries
Allow space for disappointment, anger or grief - but don’t expect them to mediate or take sides.Avoid rewriting family history
Don’t say things like, “We were never really happy.” It can make them question their childhood memories and avoid telling them “We waited until you left home” as this can place a burden of guilt and confusion.Keep communication balanced
Stay in touch and share updates equally from both parents to prevent them feeling caught in the middle. Be aware that they may be annoyed at having to share their news twice with both parents individually.Offer reassurance of continued family ties
Let them know you still value shared traditions and relationships. Allow them space to say whether they would like shared gatherings or how they view family traditions moving forward.Model respectful closure and new beginnings
How you handle the separation shapes how they’ll approach their own adult relationships.Bonus Tip: set your intentions from the outset – consider how you want to show-up in conversations, and the behaviours you want to model for your children when dealing with your breakup.
If you need help with telling your children, or any other aspect of your breakup, reach out to me at allison@allisongreenfieldcoaching.co.uk