Top Ten Guides: telling your children - teens
Top Ten Guides
Top Ten Tips for
Telling your teenage children that you are divorcing
Be honest, but respect their maturity
Teens value honesty. Explain the decision without sugarcoating, but don’t share adult-level conflict or blame.Tell them together and stay united
They need to see you can still work together as parents, even if your marriage is ending.Acknowledge their feelings
Expect anger, withdrawal, or even indifference. Let them know it’s okay to feel whatever they feel.Don’t force conversation — invite it
Teens often need space to process. Keep communication open and non-judgmental. Use non-confrontational opportunities to talk - sometimes being in the car, or somewhere where you don’t have to make eye contact can be easier for your teen.Reassure them about stability
Be specific - “You’ll stay at the same school,” or “You’ll have two bedrooms but we’ll both be there for your activities.”Respect their independence
Teens are forming identities; don’t burden them with your emotions or lean on them as confidantes.Avoid making them choose sides
They may feel protective of one parent — assure them they don’t need to take sides.Model healthy conflict resolution
Teens learn from how you handle conflict. Calm cooperation models maturity and respect.Be transparent about logistics
Share plans clearly — where each parent will live, how visitation works — so they feel informed, not left out. Shared online calendars can be helpful for this.Encourage outside (adult) support
Therapy, other trusted adults or school counsellors can help teens process complex emotions safely. Tell your teen’s school so that they can support.Bonus Tip: set your intentions from the outset – consider how you want to show-up in conversations, and the behaviours you want to model for your children when dealing with your breakup.
If you need help with telling your children, or any other aspect of your breakup, reach out to me at allison@allisongreenfieldcoaching.co.uk