Top Ten Guides: telling your children - under 10s
Top Ten Guides
Top Ten Tips for
Telling your young children that you are divorcing
Tell them together, calmly
Sit down together and explain in simple, loving terms that both parents will always care for them, even though you’ll be living in different homes.Keep it simple and concrete
Avoid adult details, instead focus on what will happen in their world who they’ll live with, where they’ll sleep, and when they’ll see each parent.Repeat that it’s not their fault
Young children often assume they caused the breakup. Reassure them many times that nothing they did made this happen.Be ready to repeat and reassure
They may ask the same questions over and again. Patience and consistency build security.Provide stability
Keep routines, bedtime, and school schedules as normal as possible. Predictability makes them feel safe.Use clear, loving language
Avoid euphemisms like ‘taking a break’. Say, “We are going to live in two homes,” followed by, “We both love you very much.”Allow feelings without fixing them
Crying, clinginess, or even misbehaving are normal. Let them express sadness or confusion freely without feeling you have to try to ‘fix’ it.Avoid blame or conflict
Never criticise your ex or argue where they can hear. It can make children feel they must ‘pick’ one parent.Use visual aids if helpful
A simple calendar showing which days they’ll be with each parent can help them understand and feel secure.Keep the door open for talk
Let them know they can always ask questions or talk about how they feel anytime.Bonus Tip: set your intentions from the outset – consider how you want to show-up in conversations, and the behaviours you want to model for your children when dealing with your breakup.
If you need help with telling your children, or any other aspect of your breakup, reach out to me at allison@allisongreenfieldcoaching.co.uk